Today, I want to talk to you about your “inner conflict” – that unconscious belief that is in direct conflict with what you consciously want.
Your INNER CONFLICT is that unconscious belief that is in direct conflict with what you consciously want.
In other words, the conversation inside your head of why you can’t have what you want.
Right now, think about something you really want…
Now, check this out — the moment you want something, two things occur simultaneously:
- The awareness of the having of it (feels good)
- The awareness of the not having it (feels bad)
Now — because your current reality provides evidence of NOT having it, those feelings tend to dominate:
- The voice in your head begins to justify why don’t have it, why you might never have it, and how you don’t know how to have it.
- You focus on your lack of knowledge, skills, and resources.
- Or, you think about possibly failing in your attempt and how that’s going to feel.
- Maybe you compare yourself to people who have what you want and assume they’re special and you’re not.
Bottom Line: You move into a SUFFERING STATE.
Nothing good comes from a suffering state. Everything you want comes from a BEAUTIFUL STATE.
So, here’s an exercise for you… WARNING: It’s going to stir up some crappy feelings, but they’re important to recognize.
List out all the “negative” things that come to mind when you think about achieving your ideal goal (e.g., healthy and fit body):
- Why can’t it happen?
- Why won’t it happen?
- Why might it be hard?
- Why aren’t you ready yet?
By answering these questions, you just identified some of your LIMITING BELIEFS.
Your limiting beliefs are the reason you’re not achieving your goals!
You see, the problem isn’t the problem….the problem is your limiting beliefs.
To better understand this concept of limiting beliefs and inner conflict, we need to recognize the 5 Primary Drivers and how they line up:
- Beliefs: Your beliefs dictate the way you think.
- Thoughts: Your thoughts cause a feeling (thoughts literally cause chemical reactions that produce feelings).
- Feelings: Your feelings fuel your actions or lack of action.
- Actions: Your actions produce your results.
- Results: Results reinforce your beliefs (provides evidence to back them up)
And, round and round you go…
What I love about this model is the addition of BELIEFS.
I’ve always been taught and have subsequently taught just two through five:
Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Results
To change your life you must change your BELIEFS.
On that note, I’m not suggesting you change the core values that you truly like and WANT to believe in. I’m suggesting you change those limiting beliefs that you DON’T WANT and were “chosen” long ago in an unconscious way…
For example, maybe money was tight growing up and you heard your parents argue about it, so you have an inner belief that money is hard to make and difficult to hang on to. You’ve carried that with you since childhood and it has affected your results ever since.
If you struggle with health and fitness or body image, have you ever wondered where that came from? It’s not just “poor genetics” or “bad luck.”
How about low self-esteem or self-worth?
It’s your story, and the quality of your story is the quality of your life!
You can change your life by rewriting your story.
How to Change your Beliefs and Rewrite your Story
You do this by making a NEW DECISION because beliefs are decisions.
“Wait a minute. You’re telling me I can just decide?”
Yes. After all, the original belief you’re holding onto was just a decision you made a long time ago.
Yeah, I know. All the evidence in your life shows that the belief is valid.
Or is the evidence simply a result of the original belief and the cycle it perpetuated your whole life?
So, what happens when you make a new decision?
When you make a new decision:
- You access new ideas. You open your mind to new possibilities and fresh ideas begin to flow!
- You change your perception of reality (enroll your reticular activating system).
- You activate the power of coincidence. It’s amazing how things just start to “come to you.”
It goes back to the 5 Primary Drivers…
Change your Beliefs. Change your Life.
“The most powerful distinction in personal development is that beliefs are decisions.” – David Bayer
You believe that you’re not good enough because at some point in life you decided that. So, make a new decision now that you are good enough.
You believe that money is hard to make because at some point in life you decided that. So, make a new decision now that money flows easily to you.
You believe that you’re just not meant to have a healthy and fit body because at some point in life you decided that. So, make a new decision now that health and fitness is your thing.
“The principle of life is that life responds by corresponding. Your life becomes the thing you have decided it to be.” – Raymond Charles Barker
This all sounds good, right?
Maybe a little woo-woo?
Well, it’s actually science…
The decisions YOU MAKE about life shape your experiences (remember the 5 Primary Drivers), as well as shape the neurophysiology of your brain!
The decisions YOU MAKE literally alter the structure of the neural pathways of the brain.
Decisions are the ultimate “mind hack.”
Let’s put this into practice though…
- Pick something you really, really want to do/be/have that’s not in your current reality.
- Identify the limiting belief(s) that immediately pop up. These are the reasons you tell yourself it’s not possible.
- Make a NEW, empowering decision. It could be as simple as being the opposite of your limiting belief.
- Identify any shred of evidence (no matter how small) that your new decision could be true. If you absolutely can’t find anything, identify it in someone else (if they can do it so can you!).
Alright, let’s run this through an example. Let’s go with fitness…
- WANT = To feel healthy and fit, and be happy with my body.
- LIMITING BELIEFS = I’m not enough. I’ve always been fat. Eating healthy is hard. I’m too busy to workout.
- NEW DECISION = I am enough. Self-care is important to me because I want to be the best version of myself and ‘show-up’ each day.
- EVIDENCE = I did that transformation challenge that one time and had really great results. I’ve been drinking the recommended amount of water for the last 3 months (most days). I rarely go to fast food restaurants anymore; it used to be a daily occurrence for lunch.
Now, as you start to recognize evidence that your new decision could be true (take off the blinders from the old decision that have been filtering all other options out) it starts to feel more comfortable, even exciting!
I challenge you to run your BIG wants through the above exercise. Identify those nasty limiting beliefs (maybe even identify where they came from), flip the script with a new, empowering decision, and then prove to yourself that this could be true with whatever bit of evidence you can gather up from your past and present.
By the way, if you truly can’t find any evidence to back up your current decision AND it’s something you truly want, hold onto it… Visualize it. Get really clear. As you “rewire your brain” things will eventually come up.
Have Faith & Take Action!